🌲🌲🌲CAREaVan: Resting, Reflecting and Refreshing
While the Global Satanic Spin Programs Whirl On
I woke up from a dream last night with a very clear spiritual message: be more vulnerable in my activist work.
At first, (as I’ve been doing lately), I protested.
Easier said than done, I thought, when you are still being stalked by a former friend/fellow survivor and your every move might end up posted online by her (or others) painted in the worse possible light.
I wrote about this here:
BTW: To stand up for myself and my business, I did file a Criminal Injunction Against Harassment with the court, driving to Southern Arizona to turn in documents and speak in person with a court advisor. I was told they will keep everything on file, but to activate the anti-harassment order I had to call the Sedona Police Department (they gave me a special number), who would then attempt to track down and serve papers on my accused. I picked up the phone…and set it down.
I just didn't have the heart to give the Sedona Police Department more ammunition against a woman OEA survivor living in her car whom they have already harassed several times. I felt fatigued from trying to fight fire with fire, or in this case harassment with harassment, even if mine was legally justified and could be carried out by the police. Maybe I was too soft, but I just couldn't take that next step, even though her online smears about me apparently haven’t stopped. I wondered, is she really hurting me now, months later? Not unless I let her, by overly censoring myself or fretting. My friends have stood by me. Others are going to think what they think. Time to move on.
I realized I’d rather tune into my intuition and ask for specific guidance about the present, not the past: What is the most useful thing I should be focusing on today?
Last night, it was: be more vulnerable as an activist, and I’ve learned not to ignore such a strong message. Hopefully it wasn’t V2K or grey alien-designed artificial dreams!!! 🤪 👽
Speaking Out: Rage to Assertiveness (Not Aggression), Boundaries, and Justice
Sorting out how to deal with the massive amount of rage I have felt at my abuse has been a key challenge this past year. I’m on “step two” in my 12-Step rage recovery (for the third time), so I’ve been contemplating rage vs. assertiveness (not aggressiveness), boundaries, and justice a lot lately. I’ve pursued more public speaking, including the interview with Full Disclosure’s Alessandro du Chatel (my last post), and speaking at the Seattle City Council about the dangers of so called “SMART” technology, warning especially for children:
CREEPY MIND CONTROL PROGRAM IN DISGUISE? https://www.seattle.gov/documents/departments/neighborhoods/historicpreservation/historicdistricts/internationaldistrict/meetingdocuments/2024/isrd081324_wayfinding_bp.pdf
I’ve also been featured in a two part interview with Tim Ray from United Intentions Media about my experiences surviving abuse in a Deep Underground Military Base (DUMB), one I have previously written about, which I believe took place underneath the JBLM army training center east of Yakima, WA USA. The interview was from 2024 fall, but just released.
https://www.uimedianetwork.com/325602/down-in-the-dumbs-part1.htm
https://www.uimedianetwork.com/325603/down-in-the-dumbs-part2.htm
I also did some in-person street protests at the Bill Gates Foundation in Seattle, WA, when I traveled there recently, with Timothy Lassley (His 229th APPEARANCE THERE!) and another friend, beautiful Becca. We called out Bill Gates’ connection with Jeffrey Epstein, who allegedly flew to the child rape trafficking island thirty-seven times, per professional investigator Nick Bryant from www.epsteinjustice.com. Bryant uncovered and published Epstein’s flight logs.
Inspired by Alessandro du Chatel - who loved the Seattle grunge scene and did an amazing series called Louder than Love: Chris and Chester - we also staged a street protest speaking about a suspected criminal conspiracy to cover-up the ritual murders of prominent Seattle “grunge” musician, Soundgarden’s Chris Cornell, and his friend and another lead singer from Linkin Park, Chester Bennington. Both influential artists were said to sympathize with the fight for justice with child sex trafficking, and were speaking out at the time of their deaths, just months apart, in 2017. I fear their deaths, along with many around the same time, were part of a massive operation to quell disclosure about the child abuse network I call the Death-Cult.
Some days I feel powerless to do anything useful about this massive Goliath, but speaking out experiences like these help me to reconsider. The world may be crazy, but I am doing my part to help. Lately, that’s starting to feel like enough.
The light lightens itself and the darkness, but the darkness knows only itself and knows not the light.
—The Essene Gospel of Peace
Looking Within
What does “Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity” mean to me?
To me, sanity starts with looking inside, and can be defined by sober thoughts and actions. Am I in balance? Am I living my highest principles?
My vulnerable answer today? No, not as much as I want to.
Since my dog Sparky died in January 2025 I’ve felt so sad, and have been regularly overeating to self-soothe and “stuff” my pain, acting out these “heavy” feelings. Not ideal self-care and not sustainable, so I need better solutions. I’m not ready to get another dog, but I have started looking…maybe in the fall? ❤️🩹🐶❤️
One thing I realized is that being on the road solo without Sparky was just not as much fun. It also became harder and harder to sustain a healthy lifestyle with so few steady in-person connections and not enough support, hugs, and healing bodywork. Food became my comfort - exactly as it did when I was a little girl. Sure, I had some occasional CAREaVan journeys with lovely friends, but mostly I was alone out there, and I felt way too lonely. I knew I wasn’t ready to live in Seattle again, still wanting a smaller town farther away from so many crime scenes from my past I’m still grieving. Though I like speaking out, the absence of more tangible justice for the abuse I suffered in WA state still makes my blood boil. Definitely not good for my rage recovery to hang out there long.
My grand advanture had become an experience of lack.
So, I rented a furnished house in Southern Oregon and…it’s wonderful! I now live on forest acreage, and have delighted in watching birds from my upper story office pecking at tall pines as I offer coaching sessions. The Pacific Northwest still feels like home to me, more than the desert, I realized. My neighbors are a sweet family on one side and a gardener on my other…and some animal friends! It’s a relief to have running hot water, a flushing toilet, a natural well, and ample room for dancing, yin yoga, a full-size fridge, and an oven! I’m reveling in new daily routines, the co-op and farmer’s market, not packing/unpacking all the time, and getting to know people over time again.
Though I still love Goldie, I’m deeply grateful to have a non-wheeled home again, at least for a while.
Visions Past and Present
If you have followed this blog from the beginning, you know that when I put my belongings in storage and started out from Seattle in June 2024, and I had some specific goals for my “CAREaVan” journey:
Solitude for writing and healing.(Done)Embodiment (Yin yoga! Gym membership for showers and workouts! Hiking with Sparky!)(Done)Nature communion.(Done)And a scouting trip for a future dream: where to locate a neighborhood community healing center for survivors of organized extreme abuse? (Not done)
If you are new here, I will recap:
I thought it was going to be a four-month van tour, but chose to stay in Sedona, AZ for longer, and wrote many posts about that magical land.
From there, I traveled to a UFO conference near Denver, CO
…and then held the 2024 March for Innocence back in Sedona in October, telling my story as a survivor of Organized Extreme Abuse in public for the first time:
I considered founding an OEA neighborhood community center in the red rock desert, but due to the aforementioned negative relationship and lack of other support, I moved on.
I traveled back to Seattle for the Christmas/NY holidays with friends, and while there wrote and published several chapters of my memoir, working title “Temporarily Evil.”
I recorded an audiobook - behind a paywall - of the chapters finished so far:
After Sparky died in January 2025 and I left Sedona, I visited friends in Tucson, several cities in California, and went on to have many amazing activism adventures in Utah. It was then that the focus of my trip shifted more from solitude and writing to in-person OEA survivor gatherings for connection, public activism, releasing shame, finding my voice, and speaking up in new ways!
This camaraderie and attention was all very healing…but stirred up some deep new emotions in need of processing.
After that, I realized I needed to calm down, get more grounded, and face yet another layer of grief. So just shy of my trip’s one year anniversary, I settled in the Rogue Valley near Ashland, OR. This is the land of the Shakespeare Festival, Lithia Park, and as pictured above, deer roaming freely. Yes, there’s underground Satanism in this community - I can see the signs - but sadly that’s true in basically every city I visited.
What I’m more focused on is the kick-butt anti-sex trafficking community here connected with Lauren Trantham of Ride My Road, whom I met and hope to work more with in the future. I also started volunteering online with Epstein Justice, who holds monthly Zoom activism “pressure campaign trainings” to push legislators to prosecute the obvious criminal conspiracy that STILL IS the Jeffrey Epstein EMPIRE. See you there?
Underearner’s Anonymous and “Possession Consciousness”
“Taking inventory” of the state of my trauma and addiction recovery, and how I got to a place of depletion and lack in my CAREaVan journey, I consider these as trauma symptoms that many survivors experience. In 2015, I found this list in a 12-Step fellowship called Underearner’s Anonymous, and review it periodically when I’m feeling burned out.
In my view, it doesn’t matter how much money you have - if you are not doing your soul’s work in the right place with the right people, you will feel a sense of “underearning.” Our feelings are there to help us course-correct when we are going astray of our true life’s purpose. If we pay attention to them, we will get back on track. In today’s chaotic world, we may need frequent adjustments.
I relate to #3 (trying to overcome trauma-based shame), #5 - #6 (I gave away thousands of dollars this year in money and services to OEA survivors, yet I still owe money on my van and another debt - out of balance), #8, #10, and #12 (the constant change of road life became a block to processing deeper feelings).
Symptoms of Underearning
1. Time Indifference - We put off what must be done and do not use our time to support our own vision and further our own goals.
2. Idea Deflection - We compulsively reject ideas that could enlarge our lives or careers, and increase our profitability.
3. Compulsive Need to Prove - Although we have demonstrated competence in our jobs or business, we are driven by a need to
re-prove our worth and value.4. Clinging to Useless Possessions - We hold onto possessions that no longer serve our needs, such as threadbare clothing or broken appliances.
5. Exertion/Exhaustion - We habitually overwork, become exhausted, then under-work or cease work completely.
6. Giving Away Our Time - We compulsively volunteer for various causes, or give away our services without charge, when there is no clear benefit.
7. Undervaluing and Underpricing - We undervalue our abilities and services, and fear asking for increases in compensation or for what the market will bear.
8. Isolation - We choose to work alone when it might serve us much better to have coworkers, associates, or employees.
9. Physical Ailments - Sometimes, out of fear of being larger or exposed, we experience physical ailments.
10. Misplaced Guilt or Shame - We feel uneasy when asking for or being given what we need or what we are owed.
11. Not Following Up - We do not follow up on opportunities, leads, or jobs that could be profitable for us. We begin many projects and tasks but often do not complete them.
12. Stability Boredom - We create unnecessary conflict with co-workers, supervisors and clients, generating problems that result in financial distress.
However I am doing AWESOME with Underearner’s Anonymous tool #4, “Possession Consciousness”:
4. Possession Consciousness - We routinely discard what no longer serves us in order to foster a belief that life is plentiful and that we will be able to provide ourselves with what we need. ✨
If you relate to these symptoms, there may be help available for you in a fellowship of people also recovering from “underearning.”
Here is a story of Possession Consciousness that takes into account not just letting go of belongings, but also further relief from demonic attack and/or Angel of Death programming. This happened not long before I found my new home in Southern Oregon, and I believe releasing this burden paved the way for finding my new home. Not consciously, I’ve been running from this pain my entire life.
Early this spring, I embarked on a day hike along the mighty Rogue River. En route, I was missing Sparky, my chest tight and pulsing a steady, fragile ache. I decided to listen to my audio recording of the story of murder of my dog Duchess from when I was a little girl. I knew the losses of Duchess and Sparky were stacked on top of one another, compounding my grief, and everything felt stuck and awful. Maybe going over it again would help me release another layer of pain?
(Chapter 3 in Excerpt 2)
It was wrenching to hear the story, and I started to feel the terror, pain and overwhelm coming up to the surface…but just below my ability to express it.
I arrived at the turnoff, the snow blocking my van from reaching the trailhead, so I parked Goldie on the side of the highway and bundled up, treking over a mile to get to the roaring water. I was alone except for the birds and squirrels; it was a crisp, cold, sunny day, and glorious. The trees stood powerfully in witness as I made my way up to a small wooden deck built overhanging the river. I peeled off my backpack and sat, breathing in the bright pine scent, intending to meditate. At once, the feelings came rushing all the way up, not unlike the river that raged twenty feet below.
I saw flashes of that three year old little girl’s experience, and with it felt a deep and dark dread and longing to die. I simultaneously felt a white hot rage sear through me - desperation to stop my Uncle Jerry’s atrocity - wanting to destroy him before he could hurt my dearest dog, the strongest source of love I had. The events unfolded vividly in my mind - my being bound, Jerry’s rape and murder of her, the blood - and my helplessness and horror. At once I was back there, tied to the chair, and I fell over on my side on the deck, screaming and crying out in rage and powerlessness. I thought I would burst into a zillion pieces; explode! There was no one around for miles, my wrenching cries absorbed by the forest and rushing water below.
Then I saw something else play out behind my eyes…a vision of me getting up, climbing over the railing, and jumping into the near-freezing river. It was like a demon’s caress, disguised as an angel, this scenario of a quick death that would make all my pain go away. I started to hear a voice, whispery:
Don’t you want to be with Duchess? You can go be with her right now! It will be fast, you won’t feel pain, and you can go be with her. Just stand up, hop over the railing, and let go. Let it all go…all the bad memories, all the pain. It will be cold just for a bit, then you’ll go all numb, and you’ll never have to feel bad again.
For a second, I considered it; the hurt was that great. In the next second, I saw a series of faces flash before my eyes: my dear friends, beloveds, and how my suspicious death would impact them. I felt a burst of heartbreaking empathy, and knew I could never do that to anyone I loved. I may have felt deeply alone and bereft, but I knew I wasn’t, and the feelings would pass. As they say, if you can’t feel, you can’t heal, and I wanted to heal more than anything.
I connected the dots of a lifelong fear I’ve had of getting close to cliffs. I’ve been haunted by this spectre since I was three, who somehow attached to my injured soul at the time of my traumatic experience with Duchess. I sat up, wiped my tears, and said loudly “NO! BE GONE!”
The voice went silent, and has not recurred! ✨
I remembered what I learned about an energy vacuum after a big release, so I quickly asked for God to fill my spirit with light, surround me, and protect me. I felt the familiar slight crackle of energy in my biofield/aura vibrating strong. There were and are more tears to come, but not that day - I felt tired, but also deeply energized and empowered. I was OK. I survived feeling my deepest pain, and did not succumb to temptation to give in to despair. Not then, and not ever!
I still haven’t found a place for the SOAAR Global, PMA OEA community healing center, but thankfully, while in Seattle I picked up all my things out of storage, so they are now all in one place with me - HOORAY, no more storage unit (at least some storage facilities are tied to sex trafficking, I recall from my past, and I’m glad to be done with them)!
I’ve gotten rid of almost everything I once owned now except my campervan, some personal/comfort items, and the foundational necessities to start a SOAAR Global healing center. This includes an amazing array of clinical materials bequeathed to me by the late, great OEA activist Trish Fotheringham (her life’s collection), a rare OEA book collection I purchased from another stellar survivor activist-turned-coach deJoly LaBrier, as well as my own items formerly in my Seattle therapy office.
Everything is here now, just waiting for divine right timing - if it happens in my lifetime. One thing I know: I’m done as a solo traveler for long trips. Progress from here forward will depend on who shows up in my life to help: two-legged or four. Stay tuned: I’ll tell you all about it! ❤️🔥
©Anastasia Sprout, MSW
www.soaarglobal.com - Organized Extreme Abuse Recovery
www.stacisprout.com - Sexual/Intimacy Recovery
https://t.me/soaarglobalnews - OEA-Informed News
END All Forms of Satanic Ritual Abuse/Mind Control and Demand Reparations Now
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