Care-a-VAN 10 Month Progress Report

Reviewing My Original Advanture Goals, Then and Now

If you’ve followed this blog from the beginning, you know I had a distinct purpose for putting my remaining belongings in storage and setting off on this campervan journey across America on June 1st, 2024, and that was the reason I created this “CARE-a-Van” blog…

Starting as "Anastasia's AdVANtures," I envision this becoming a first-hand account of a growing movement - CAREaVan - where people unite to create a mobile, migratory community formed to educate, activate and heal our world from organized extreme abuse.

I thought it was going to be a four-month “advanture,” but as of June 1st, 2025 it will have been one year since I departed Seattle in Goldie, my faithful steed. My how time does fly! This post is about looking back, getting current, and more things I’m learning along the way.

May 2024

The paragraph quoted below was from one of my first pre-trip journal entries, as I sorted through what felt like mountains of paper, boxes and stuff from my house and former psychotherapy suite in Seattle, WA, where I’d been in private practice since 2011. I had reduced everything to a 10x10 storage unit packed to the gills, with everything I thought I’d need for a four month journey in my van.

What would YOU keep and release for a four month road trip?

JOURNEY VISIONS:

Not long after departure, I wrote about my top 4 goals of the Care-a-VAN journey, writing:

Often new dreams are found in the clutter of the past, as we sort things out.

1. Solitude for writing and healing.

2. Embodiment (Yin yoga! Gym membership for showers and workouts! Hiking with Sparky!)

3. Nature communion.

4. And a scouting trip for a future dream: where to locate a neighborhood community healing center for survivors of organized extreme abuse?

I miss my Seattle friends and family already, and some lovely clients who are completing their work with me before I depart. Yet change is also part of life, times of activity and community balanced by times of quiet, if we’re lucky.

I feel very lucky.

I still feel very lucky…and blessed to get to do this wild and crazy life advanture. People tell me all the time they wish they could do something like this, and I understand. I tell them: You can! Join me! JOIN US!

August 2024

In August 2024, I wrote a “mid-trip report on my goals, which were good to read again now, in April 2025:

April 2025

And here we are, April 2025, and it’s time for another reflection on my goal progress.

GOAL #1: Solitude for writing and healing.

I’ve written a lot on this trip, mainly in this blog. In December 2024, I flew back to Seattle to stay with friends for the Christmas/New Year holidays. At that time, I began to finish editing and actually published several chapters of my memoir, Temporarily Evil: Fault and Forgiveness After Forced Participation in Satanic Ritual Abuse, MK-ULTRA and the Secret Space Program, publicly for the first time online. It’s available in earlier chapters of this blog, and the audiobook (paid) is available here:

It was a big step for me to reveal the worst memories of my life online, recorded using my own voice.

I’d done this — in print — once before, when I published my first memoir Naked in Public about my sexual addiction and recovery. But this one about OEA was even harder to do (Naked in Public is also available as a free ebook here).

Memories of childhood Torture-Based Mind Control and teenage Organized Extreme Abuse that included forced Satanic perpetration are intensely personal, and have evoked profound shame. It’s been painful to relive the memories with enough clarity to put this out for anyone to read, and I’m thankful for my Seattle friends who surrounded and supported me at the time I did it (Kurt! Larisa! Timothy! Victoria!). 📢😃

The chapters about abuse from my teen years are behind a paywall, to protect them from accidental finding by kids (I know they could get a pay account, but it’s less likely). If you have had the courage to read those chapters, hats off to you! It’s tough stuff.

Interesting to see what my top three most popular blog posts are to date.

First is my worst memory, the mass child Satanic abuse ritual that took place underneath the Las Vegas strip when I was seventeen, followed by my recounting of a direct conversation with an alleged current Satanic abuser from the LDS church in Utah recently, and the third is details about my Satanic black magic sexual abuse/training when I was fourteen:

Good. Let’s get this out there and understood. I know that most people absorb difficult information better when they are told in first-hand, narrative form, and also that sharing shameful experiences can be healing for the writer. And hopefully any readers with similar traumas! I felt a memoir would be the fastest way to help people realize that the types that horror I went through ARE STILL HAPPENING TO CHILDREN. I want the book to help galvanize ACTION TO STOP IT. So, I sacrificed my privacy, my pride, and opened myself up to attack in my most vulnerable memories. Sadly, this has occurred,** but happily, it has still been worth it.

I’ve also continued to write and publish in this blog, which has been great for me on the trip, finding wifi in coffee shops in tiny towns, or pecking away on my phone. It’s kept me feeling connected to the outside world, because vanlife can be isolating when traveling alone. Thankfully I’ve found some lovely friends to travel with lately!

As for the final print book, I realize I cannot complete and publish that while living in my van, it’s just too difficult and distracting. So, I am again looking for a place to put down some roots, for at least six months. I’ll let you know what solidifies, so I can finish and publish a print version of Temporary Evil!

GOAL #2: Embodiment (Yin yoga! Gym membership for showers and workouts! Hiking with Sparky!)

In January 2025 I finally completed my hours to become a Certified Yin Yoga instructor from The Heart Center for Awakening in Seattle, Washington!

Yin (feminine) Yoga is an awesome yoga modality for survivors of OEA, as is Yoga Nidra (sleep yoga), because they are deeply gentle. For anyone physically/sexually brutalized, these guided forms of “being with” our bodies can help dissolve dissociation. However it can also bring up traumatic memories and feelings of grief, so pacing ourselves is important. That’s why it took me a year and a half to complete my hours, and the other students went through much more quickly. My friend and fellow OEA survivor Elisa E. is also a Yin Yoga practicer, which was fun and validating to learn.

Key characteristics of Yin Yoga:

• Slow and Meditative:

  Yin yoga is a slower and more meditative practice compared to other yoga styles like Vinyasa yoga.

• Long-Held Poses:

  Poses are typically held for extended periods, often between 3 and 10 minutes, allowing deeper tissue to relax and stretch.

• Focus on Connective Tissues:

  Yin yoga works primarily on the body's deep connective tissues, including fascia, ligaments, and joints, rather than the muscles.

• Passive Practice:

  The practice is primarily passive, with little to no muscle engagement, allowing the body to naturally settle into the pose.

• Use of Props:

  Props like bolsters, blankets, and blocks are commonly used to assist with the poses and provide support, enabling deeper stretches.

• "Edge" Principle:

  Practitioners are encouraged to find their "edge" in each pose, which is the point where they feel a stretch but without causing pain or straining.

• Breathing and Mindfulness:

  Conscious breathing and mindfulness are emphasized, helping to cultivate relaxation and a deeper connection with the body.

Benefits of Yin Yoga:

• Increased Flexibility:

  The long holds in Yin yoga help to lengthen and increase flexibility in the connective tissues.

• Stress and Anxiety Reduction:

  The stillness and meditative nature of the practice can help to reduce stress and anxiety.

• Improved Circulation:

  Yin yoga can help to improve blood flow and circulation throughout the body.

• Greater Body Awareness:

  The practice can enhance body awareness and a deeper connection with the physical sensations of the body.

• Potential for Increased Mobility:

  By working on the deep connective tissues, Yin yoga can potentially improve mobility in the joints.

In contrast to Yang yoga:

• Yang Yoga:

  Yang yoga focuses on muscle engagement and dynamic movement, like in Vinyasa yoga, Ashtanga yoga, and Hatha yoga.

• Yin Yoga:

  Yin yoga is more internal, passive, and cooling, while Yang yoga is more external, dynamic, and warming.

—Thanks Google AI! You’re not all bad!

On February 21, 2025, I joined Planet Fitness at the urging of my OEA survivor friend, Ron Alan, with whom I was traveling with at the time. I appreciate his encouragement so much! Since then I’ve been working out regularly, can feel myself getting stronger, and have loved having clean, available showers in almost every town I visit.

I’ve also started dancing again! I attended a square/contra dance for the first time in years last week in a small town in Southern Oregon, as well as an Ecstatic Dance that, unlike the Seattle scene, was emphatically sober! Soon I hope to add Pickleball to my physical hobbies, which I played once before and really enjoyed. Did you know pickleball was invented on Bainbridge Island near Seattle, WA?

I also bought a Ukulele in a surf shop in Carlsbad, CA and have been slowly learning a few chords and building callouses on my fingers. I practice in public parks, which is a great way to connect with others.

I have to say I am very happy with my progress towards more embodiment. I think processing and sharing those horrible memories in writing last December, with a service intention, has helped me lighten up and feel more present in my body, which has enabled more activity and strength. Hooray!

As for my “Hiking with Sparky!” part of the goal, If you read my earlier post you know that I had Sparky put to sleep in January when his breathing became too labored for a comfortable life. 😢 I wrote about that here:

I feel grateful that Sparky got to live out the last few months of his life mostly in Sedona, AZ in the sunshine, which he loved. We went on many happy hikes there, and during our Seattle trip he was doted on by all his human friends. It was a peaceful passing, and I miss him still…and feel him with me etherically…and want to get another dog someday. ❤️‍🩹🐶

GOAL #3: Nature communion.

Yes, I have had so, so, so much communion with nature on this trip, and this has been immensely healing and nourishing for me. I’ve tried to capture images along the way, but they never do justice to the power of being there. Even if there were no other gains, meeting this one goal has been worth every challenge I’ve faced on the road. Beauty is medicine.

Some images from the lovely Lithia Park in Ashland, Oregon, a favorite stop of mine:

GOAL #4: And a scouting trip for a future dream: where to locate a neighborhood community healing center for survivors of organized extreme abuse?*

Success on this goal/vision eludes me. I don’t have the time, resources, nor energy to start a neighborhood clinic now, when I don’t even know where I want to live permanently, and there is so much yet to do in terms of making the world safe for a clinic at all. So, SOAAR Global, PMA services will stay online for now.

As I was finishing and publishing the final chapters of my memoir-to-date, which dissipated yet more denial programming, what replaced it was almost unbearable outrage—how could these atrocities have happened to me, to other children, and be still going on, yet no one seems to acknowledge it nor do anything about it???!!! My focus shifted from the idea of creating a healing clinic to the idea of doing everything I could to wake the world up to rescue children and prevent more abuse.

The answer to “WHO THE F-K IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT THIS?” continued to be clear: ME, and ANYONE I CAN FIND TO HELP ME.

Perhaps that already includes you?

I started reading this book, which helped me look at patterns of Death-Cult secret perpetration as far back as the Nazi death camps in WW2, and how even when two eyewitnesses escaped and tried to tell everyone, little was done…at first.

This passage from a NYT book review struck home (yes I know NYT is complicit with the lower powers-that-be, but this was a good review):

The real suspense begins afterward [After the two prisoners, Rudolph Vrba and Fred Wetzler, escape from Auchwitz]: not just the journey home, during which the two men relied on the courage of the Polish villagers who sheltered them, but what happened after they arrived. Like a pair of Ancient Mariners, the escapees told their horrifying tale to any official who would listen, desperate to warn the Jews of Hungary, the only major Jewish community yet to be slaughtered, that their transports would be next. With the help of Jewish leaders in a town in northern Slovakia, they composed a report of 32 single-spaced pages, complete with maps of Auschwitz showing the layout of the crematories, and set about translating and distributing it.

Tragically, few of the report’s recipients shared the authors’ sense of urgency. In a particularly appalling scene, Vrba and another escaped prisoner visit a papal envoy who remains largely unmoved by their pleas — until they tell him that the Nazis are murdering Catholics as well as Jews. The monsignor cries out in horror and faints. When he comes to, he promises to report the news to the pope. But as the weeks go by, the transports continue to roll in.

This is when I began to develop my activism site, www.5forFreedom.com, started the petition, and began to create weekly street protests I called “Sunday Strikes.” I wanted to bring what I’d learned from the medical freedom activism success we achieved in Seattle to every town I visited.

With support (thanks to Timothy Lassley!), I shared some of my story in person in real time on the street, with my new trusty bullhorn, in the following places:

Sedona, AZ

Seattle, WA

Phoenix, AZ

I was headed to California to protest outside the Getty Museum in Los Angeles, but my intuition said DO NOT DO THIS. I wasn’t strong enough to do this alone, and hadn’t found anyone willing to physically go there with me…yet.

Instead, my intuition drew me to the most amazing community activism events and experiences to the east, in Utah, which I’ve written about here:

Now I realize that as much as possible, I want to join other safe communities already involved in OEA/SRA/TBMC activism, and support their courageous efforts. I have another trip planned to Utah, and then back to Seattle, in the next two months. I’m very excited, as I have many friends already hard at work with in-person activism in both places. A fellow OEA survivor is flying in to meet me at the Utah sex trafficking/SRA awareness event with the support organization Relentless Hope, on Saturday May 3rd. Please join us if you can either in person or online. If you show up in person, find me and we will have some fun fellowship along with the serious topics. I had the best chocolate chip cookie of my life in Park City, Utah. Gotta stay in balance! 😃

After that, we will be mobilizing support in Seattle, more details forthcoming.

---

As I read back in this journal from August 2024 to now, some themes I continue to focuse on include:

• Eeducation about organized extreme abuse (OEA) as a reality in my past and our present society - and exposure

• Addiction awareness and recovery check in (lately, mostly rage)

• Multidimensionality as essential to my life and activities, including prayer, meditation, and positive ritual

But since publishing the memoir chapters, the journal and activities have taken a more serious tone:

• The importance of TAKING ACTION in small and large ways, and building safe community with which to do so — which is HAPPENING!

Inspired by this, I’ll close with one of my favorite prayers from 12-Step recovery:

TH UNITY PRAYER

I put my heart in yours

and together we can do

what we could never do alone.

No longer is there a sense of hopelessness.

No longer must we each depend upon our own unsteady willpower.

We are all together now,

reaching out our hearts

for a power and strength greater than ours;

and as we join hearts,

we find love and understanding

beyond our wildest dreams!

❤️

*All income from this journal, which has totaled $1,316, has been directly gifted to vetted OEA survivors living in their cars or for other basic needs like food, hygiene, legal needs, transportation, and mental health care. Thank you so much to subscribers and donors who have made these gifts possible, because they matter more than just materially, but also emotionally and spiritually for those who receive them. Plus, it’s been delightful and healing for me to pass them along!

**I considered Sedona, AZ for a possible clinic site, but when I reached a crossroads in my friendship with Heather Blessington (whom I have written about multiple times along this journey), I realized that Sedona was not a good place for me to stay, create a clinic, nor invite other survivors to move to, at least right now. Heather was the main recipient of financial support earned from this blog, though that has ended.

I may write more on the difficult parting of the ways between myself and Heather, but I realize it would require an entire blog post to do the story justice, so I’ll get to that if inspired. For now I’ll say that Heather won’t respond to me directly, but keeps attempting public shaming of me online based on distortions, deception, and her uniquely hostile slant.

If she has contacted you about me, or you’re choosing to follow her “Lady Satan” updates about me on Telegram, you’ll decide for yourself what you think is true and what you think are lies. I won’t participate in a reactive survivor war, which I believe is what the Death-Cult wants, and is part of a mass mind control program of heartbreak and drama to discredit us all.

I have come to love myself enough to believe I am worth protecting from such attacks. I just want to do so without “demonizing” Heather.

I trust what needs to will emerge at the right time, in the right way.

🙏